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Essay: A Guide To Mermaid Porn

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[Rated R: for nudity and explicit discussion of sex and sexuality]


Merfolk
And Their Reproductive System
An Illustrated Guide To (Almost) Plausible Mermaid Porn


Oh, come on, don’t tell me you aren’t at least curious.

Everyone knows about the Mermaid Problem, right? A normal, sane and boring person would probably say that it doesn’t matter, because a mermaid is part fish, and who wants to have sex with that anyway? But if there’s one thing fandom has taught me, it’s that nothing can or should come in the way of porn. Therefore, I hereby present you a possible solution to this so-called problem.

Note/Disclaimer:

For my research, I have used this and this as reference for outer appearances; for anatomical reference, I used my skills at Google-Fu, Wikipedia and a plethora of books on aquarium fishes. I should probably mention that all I know about biology is what I learnt from watching Animal Planet when I was younger, but I think it’s plausible. Otherwise, I play the “Mermaids are fantasy creatures!” card to get out of jail.
(If you have a better/more plausible/more interesting idea about mermaids and how they reproduce, I’d love to hear about it!)





This is a mermaid – well, two, really, but who’s counting? Mermen look pretty much the same, save for having male organs rather than female ones. (That is, no breasts or uterus.)
I would like to point out that I have been messing about with the terminology of the fins a bit, so if you try to look these up in your copy of “Aquarium Fishes 101”, you’re bound to be a bit confused. I’ll give you a (hopefully) easy-to-understand table over the different terminologies, and I suspect you will see why I’ve changed them.


  Correct anatomical terms for fishes Porn-friendly terms for merfolk
1 Operculum (gill cover) {paired} Gill cover {paired}
2 Caudal peduncle Tail
3 Caudal fin Caudal fin
4 Pelvic (or ventral) fin {paired} Pelvic fin {paired}
5 Anal fin Ventral fin
6 Dorsal fin Dorsal fin



See what I mean? (Mind you, I have used the term “anal fin” in a sexual context, but it does look odd.)

With that out of the way, did you notice that I said merfolk look pretty much the same earlier? Well, another difference between the sexes is the ventral fins. So let’s focus on them and the invisible item number 7 on the chart, titled “Cloaca”, shall we?
(The cloaca opening is located directly underneath the ventral fin.)



I think I’ll start with the cloaca first. This is what thefreedictionary.com says about it:

clo·a·ca
n. pl. clo·a·cae
        1. The body cavity into which the intestinal, urinary, and genital canals empty in birds, reptiles, amphibians, most fish, and monotremes. The cloaca has an opening for expelling its contents from the body, and in females it serves as the depository for sperm. Also called vent.
        2. See vent.

Seems about right to me, yeah.

Both mermen and mermaids have a cloaca, and the only real difference is that a mermaid’s also contains a cervix that (naturally) leads to a uterus. Both sexes have a Pleasure Spot located about 2–3 inches from the entrance, but it’s unique to merfolk so it doesn’t have a proper name yet.

So yes, if you want to be crude, you could say merfolk have vaginal and anal sex at the same time.

But then we have the ventral fin. And before you start to snicker and make lewd jokes, I’d like to point out that this is actually biologically correct. Male fishes of the Poeciliidae families — a family of aquarium fishes that are ovoviviparous — have mutated anal fins that are called “gonopodiums”, which is basically a dick-fin used to impregnate the female fish. Mermen don’t have the exact same thing (no hooks are involved, for starters) but in essence, they have a version of a gonopodium as well.


When a merman is sexually aroused, his ventral fin stiffens and hardens; it doesn’t change size, apart from growing a bit thicker, only gets erect. The fin is not meant to penetrate the mermaid’s cloaca to the hilt, but merely to the soft rays; the excessive length is due to the awkward angle. (Hilt-deep penetration is anatomically possible, but not the norm.) Sperm is ejaculated from the tip, through a channel that goes through the quasi-gonopodium and originates from the internal testicles.

When a mermaid or a merman is in a state of sexual arousal, the fins turn incredibly sensitive, especially the ventral fin; physical stimulation must be very gentle to not be perceived as painful. While the scales are nerveless, the skin separating them from the muscles underneath are full of nerve fibres. The gill slits expand and turn sensitive as well. For both sexes, the opening to the cloaca dilates and the mucous membrane secretes a lubricant.
For what concerns changes in body-temperature, heart-rate, erogenous zones from the waist and up, and any breasts that may be present, it all works exactly like it does for humans.

As you might have guessed already, the only real difference between het and gay merfolk sex is the possibility of pregnancy. Socially and culturally the question of sexual orientation isn’t a problem either; what’s a problem amongst merfolk is being non-monogamous, which means polyamory is under taboo. (I never said “Atlantis” was an utopia, did I?)



So, now we have the sex part covered. What about the pregnancy part, then?

Merfolk are monotremes — that is, mammals which lay eggs. From that the ovum is fertilized, it takes twelve months until the foetus is fully developed. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Mermaids can get pregnant once a year, during their “mating season”, which spans the late spring and early summer months. During this time – which varies slightly from individual to individual – an ovum is released from the mermaid’s ovaries once a week. If the ovum is not fertilized within five days, it’s rinsed out of her uterus with a pinch of blood as company along the journey. (This bloodshed only happens once an ovum and it’s perfectly painless for the mermaid.)
If the ovum is fertilized, then ovulation stops. The mermaid is pregnant for nine months, and when those months have passed, she gives birth to a roe-like egg, which is about the size of a honeydew melon. For the remaining three months ‘til hatching, both mermaid and merman watch over the “egg” together, as the foetus grows and develops.
The merchild is nursed until it’s two years old, at which point it starts to ingest vegetarian food; merchildren are usually not fed meat until they’re at least three years old.

The average age for merfolk is about three-hundred years. They are considered adults by fifty, and their bodies start to grow old at fully two-hundred.



We’ve discussed the biological differences between mermaids and mermen, merfolk sex, mermaid pregnancy and their average age. But what about the differences between merfolk and humans?

Apart from the obvious, here is an (hopefully) easy-to-read list of merfolk’s physical appearances and how it differs from humans:

  • Merfolk are hairless, except for their eyebrows, eyelashes and the hair of their scalps. (So no, the mermen don’t have to shave.) This is a biological quirk, a remnant from the common ancestor merfolk share with humans, very much like the humans’ coccyx and/or appendix.

  • Merfolk have sharper front teeth and canines, but their molars are even more herbivorous than humans’. This is due to their diet of raw fish and sea vegetation.

  • Merfolk’s nails are dark and claw-like, perfectly designed to gut fish and open clams.

  • Merfolk’s hands are somewhat larger than humans’ and slightly webbed.

  • Merfolk’s skin is extremely pale, almost translucent in appearance. They are susceptible to sunburns and prefer overcast weather when they do visit the surface.

  • Merfolk have a third eyelid, which is transparent and vertical. There exists a wide range of colour when it comes to their eyes: grey, blue, green, yellow, black, and every permutation of them.

  • The range of colours when it comes for merfolk’s hair is the same as for their eyes, but with the added shades of brown and red.

  • The colouring of merfolk’s piscine features is often rich, if seldom patterned. The scales are lustrous and appear in every permutation of silver, gold, blue, green, red, black and platinum.

  • Merfolk’s normal body temperature is 39° C. To maintain it, their skins turn colder or warmer according to their surroundings: when at the bottom of the sea, they feel unnaturally warm to the touch, while when lying in the sunlight they feel cool. (So no, they don’t sweat.)


With that list done, I think this guide is drawing to a close. The only question left I can think of is how the merfolk’s language sounds. If you ask me, I’d say it sounds very much like whale song, only less drawn-out. Then again, maybe it sounds like nails on chalkboard, or maybe it only does so above water. I believe I will leave this matter open.

Thank you so much for reading this guide to the very end, or for at least skimming through it. I am very much obliged to you. ♥



(And if any of you are going to start asking about swimming bladders, water-breathing lungs, the bends or whatnot, be aware that I’m going to use my “Mermaids are fantasy creatures!” card and hand-wave the questions away by saying merfolk have internal organs for everything. [As always, if you actually have a quasi-scientific hypothesis, I’m dying to hear all about it.])

I'm feeling:
accomplished accomplished
I'm listening to:
"Tu Es Foutu (Tu Màs Promise)" by InGrid
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[User Picture]
On June 3rd, 2010 08:10 am (UTC), queerlyobscure commented:
This is incredibly useful - have I got your permission to show it to every person I ever come across?

Your top two mermaids are very pretty. And informative, which is a nice bonus. I like the slightly more complicated tail, because it is both prettier and makes more sense.

To be fair, I think "anal fin" only sounds odd because one expects it to be at the back and has a moment of cognitive dissonance. I suspect this is because most people aren't mermaids.

Of course, now I'm wondering how the hell a mermaid would evolve. I mean, I assume it's no through years of humans drowning themselves, so it'd have to be further back on the scale from before we left the water. Which I suppose isn't ridiculous, and probably means they're a couple of thousand years ahead of humans on an evolutionary level.
[User Picture]
On June 3rd, 2010 09:43 am (UTC), beeinmybonnet replied:
You may marry it, or murder or do what you like with it do whatever you want with it. ♥

Oh, thank you! I haven't drawn a naked woman in... years, I believe, so I was worried they'd look overly butch. Thank heaven for good references.
The taaail. You know how much I've been messing about with it. But yeah, it doesn't look all that bad, does it?

People might confuse the anal and dorsal fins, yeah. Although, to be honest, my major concern was that people would find it pretty squicky if the sexual organ was referred to as "anal something-or-other". It causes the wrong associations. Because I am first and foremost a pervert.

... Like you said. Of course, it's just like you said. Because I've been thinking about this. Yes. ::coughs::
All kidding aside, what you say is really interesting, if nothing else because it's even more of a Fuck You to Darwin. Hah, you old coot, I'll give you sea monkeys!
[User Picture]
On June 3rd, 2010 09:58 am (UTC), queerlyobscure replied:
EVOLVED FROM SEA MONKEYS! Why didn't I think of that? So incredibly fitting.

Oh, well, in that case, I shall add it to my harem &hearts

It wouldn't even occur to me to be squicked. Not sure what this says about me.

The tail is perfect. You have nothing to worry about, it is a magnificent blend of form and function. I am suitably impressed.

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